Well, it ain't really over until Anne returns at 11pm tonight, but with both girls in bed my three days of looking after them alone while Anne goes to a conference in Wales is effectively over.
Spoke too soon of course - ThingTwo's banging around upstairs now and I may have to leave my laptop and G&T soon to settle her. I'll give her a few mins to see if she can sort herself out.
Let's take stock.
Children at start of weekend: 2
Children at end of weekend: 2
Sucessful visits to granny's house to entertain kids and give dad a hand: 1
Essential things left at my mum's house: 1. ThingOne's rabbit clock. Had tears when ThingOne found out, and will be more tears from Anne and me if this means ThingOne's up too early. Must get it back soon.
Visits to shopping centre to meet children's TV character ThingOne was confused and mostly nonplussed by: 1
Treats including party rings and chocolate used to get the kids on my side: Lost count
Cups of water dropped on floor: 1
Cups of water dropped on floor by me: 0
Meals missed: 0
Meals with part forgotten: 1 (who needs potatoes? I gave them some bread and butter when I realised.)
Days where I dressed the girls and their clothes looked like they hadn't been dressed in the dark by a mental: 0 (still, they were at least dressed)
Examples of simultaneous multi-tasking and child neglect: 1. I mowed the lawn while ThingOne watched The Little Mermaid in French, and ThingTwo watched In The Night Garden on the laptop, strapped into her high chair. Not sure how wrong this was of me. Suspect a bit.
Sessions of ThingOne screaming "I want my mummy!": 2 (once at bed time and once when I told her off). Not too bad all things considered.
Sessions of me screaming "I want my Annie!": 0 (out loud)
Serious injuries to kids: 0 (just the usual bumps for ThingTwo - what with her walking into tables and door frames, and ThingOne bashing her, she barely even feels it any more)
Visits to a mini zoo: 1
Picnics next to a river: 1 (the pressure's really going to be on Anne now!)
New skills acquired by ThingOne: 2. I gave her a Cat in the Hat PC program and she's getting pretty good with using the mouse. Also she asked to watch The Little Mermaid DVD with the French soundtrack, so she seems to be teaching herself a language. Show off.
A self-proclaimed victory. Right - I've proved I can do it now. Please can I have my wife back?
(ThingTwo seems to have settled herself. Another victory to Lassez-Faire parenting - as The Little Mermaid might call it.)